Being more effective in life, in all aspects of your life is what Effectiveness 3.0 is all about. It is, in essence, what I call a WholeHearted approach to living and leading your life. Being whole of heart and authentic is a a source of tremendous power and personal efficacy in life. In the first 3 blogs on this topic we have covered steps 1 to 4: Core Purpose, Focusing on what you Sow, Drawing the Larger Circle and Invitation versus coercion. Step 5 is predicated upon and builds upon the foundation of those primary 4 steps. The 5th step in Effectiveness 3.0 is “Tough-Love.”
Tough-Love is a synthesis of mental toughness, a focus on bottom line results with caring and respectful engagement in the process of doing so. Being tough alone will get you the reputation of being a bully, being insensitive and even disrespectful of others. If you are sowing this then you get disrespect, insensitivity and resistance coming back at you. If you are only loving, then you get the reputation of being “soft” or a pushover and not willing to hold others accountable. If you are sowing this then you get excuses, lack of performance and being taken advantage of by others. Some of us are good at being tough but really weak on the loving part. Others of us are very good at the loving part but fall short when it comes time to hold the line and have the difficult conversations. The real key is to blend toughness and lovingness into a coherent, potent whole, “tough-love.”
Tough-Love is the capacity to have the courageous, difficult conversations, to hold self and others to account, while doing it in a respectful, caring and engaging tone and manner. This is a big one, and it is impossible to do it if you don’t know your core Purpose, if you aren’t mindful of what you Sow, if you aren’t drawing the Larger Circle and if you use coercion versus Invitation. Let me be very clear here: There is NEVER a justification for treating self or others with anything other than respect and dignity. There is NEVER a justification for letting yourself or others “skate” and not be accountable for their commitments, their actions and follow-through. Tough-Love is the essence of Integrity in terms of words, actions, commitments and being aligned with core Purpose, your intent.
Are you having the difficult conversations and doing it with respect? Are you holding self and others accountable for commitments, actions and results and doing it with dignity and caring? Are you expressing appreciation for the results, the efforts and the positive intentions of others as well as giving the corrective, critical feedback? If you are practicing tough-love, then you are already a highly effective individual, one who is leading self and others through the example you set. If you are too tough and not bringing in the love or if you are too loving and not bringing in the balancing factor of toughness, then you are missing the boat when it comes to living more wholeheartedly and being more effective.