In the long run, invitation is infinitely more powerful than coercion.
As the prior two blogs have outlined, developing a core purpose, focusing on what you sow and drawing the larger circle are the first three steps to higher level effectiveness. The 4th step, if you have addressed and are working the first three is “invitation.”
If you want to become even more powerfully effective, then you need to learn to invite others to join with you. You want to hone your ability to make it difficult for people to say “no” to you – not because you are coercive, but rather because you are compelling in your ability to invite them to engage in the endeavor with you.
How do you invite others? It is really more of an art form than a science but some of the key aspects of becoming compelling in your ability to draw others in, can be summarized in the following behaviors. Learn to pay attention to and actively “read” what motivates others. Do not assume that everyone is motivated the same. How do you find out what motivates others? Learn to ask powerful questions and then actively listen to what and “how” people answer the questions. In their answers and the emotional tone of what they say, you will find that they “tell” you what really gets them going. As you gain insights into what motivates others, then speak to them in their motivational language. Tap into those motive drivers as you share what you would like them to help you accomplish.
Another key behavior that invokes participation is to develop the courage to be vulnerable to the strengths, ideas, input, needs and insights of others. Look them in the eye and tell them that you need their help and input. Ask them to join you. Actively invite them with you sense of not only passion for what is to be done, but also with your courageous “openness” to them and what they have to offer. Part of this courage to be vulnerable is also the behavior to speak clearly, simply and with emotion (passion) about what you are working to accomplish and why it matters. If you can tie that to their motivational drivers, you are exerting a powerful invitational field of influence.
Finally, you have to be OK with the fact that some will say no, that they will not follow your invitation to join. It is better to know who really want to join with you, who is willing to engage, than to try and compel engagement. This way, you do not have passive-aggressive behaviors and “pretenders” distracting from and sub-optimizing the endeavor, enterprise and /or change efforts.